daddies have it EASY.

As baby gets older, some things get easier, others harder. But one thing remains the same: mommyhood is 10 times harder than daddyhood.

I love my booba (our little nickname for Camden). More than words can say. But being a mommy has layers of complexity that only another mommy can understand. It ranges from common, lingering things like "mommy guilt" to odd things like dying for Camden to go to sleep then missing him like crazy when he's finally sleeping. (Huh??) It's going from a seemingly normal, happy person to suddenly crying because your husband is going out for a bit and you're staying home with baby.

Sometimes, I don't even understand it myself. When I get to this point, all I can chalk it up to is "I need a break." But why?

Resentment. I resent the fact that daddies (aka Brian) have it so much easier. They can leave the house and completely turn off the "daddy button" and just be themselves. Sure, Brian misses Cam when he's away, but he doesn't feel as responsible for Cam's well-being or feel guilty about being gone. That's mommy's job.

Sure, mommy can go out too and take a break from baby. Be myself, hang out with girlfriends, grab a drink at happy hour. But I can't leave on a whim the way Brian can. He can just go and know that Camden is fully cared for in every way possible -- mommy is with him. When I want to go out, it takes planning. It's preparing for my departure ahead of time so Brian is in the state of mind to be the sole caregiver (possibly even needing a few directives). And that has nothing to do with how "good" of a daddy Brian is. He's a GREAT daddy. But it's just how it is -- a "daddy fact," if you will.

Frustration. Adding to the resentment, it frustrates me that daddy can never fully understand just how much easier he has it -- no matter how hard he tries. And believe me, Brian tries harder than most. But even as great of a guy that Brian is, he's not mommy. He didn't carry baby in the belly for 10 months and give birth to our little boy. He's incapable of knowing that kind of bond and the complex feelings/actions that come with it:

• Loving Camden more than anything yet getting frustrated with him for various reasons time and time again.
• Needing to protect him while at the same time being responsible for providing opportunities for him to explore, learn and grow to the best of his ability.
• Making sure his basic needs are met (food, sleep, cleanliness) and then teaching, entertaining and disciplining all other hours of the day.
• Finding ways to expose Camden to different places, people and experiences but feeling anxious about the time and planning it takes to accomplish each venture.
  
• And even enduring physical pain from keeping up with an active 9-month old.
  

Then of course, the kicker, feeling guilty for falling short on any of the above on any given day.

Envy. As if that wasn't enough, after resentment and frustration comes envy. Envy that Brian can go to work, use his braincells, and interact with adults. Envy that he can then come home and play with Camden for just an hour or two (with mommy usually still around). Envy that he will likely make Cam laugh cause he has loads of excitement and energy since he hasn't seen Camden all day. Envy that after playing, it's Camden's bedtime (which mommy helps with) and then Brian can take off his daddy hat and be Brian again.

So then I think, is the solution that I go back to work? Well, that has a whole other host of complicated mommy issues. Say I do go back to work (aside from the obvious issue of what the heck am I gonna do and the stress of finding a job)...What milestones will I miss? Will Cam prefer another caregiver over mommy? How will he react to mommy being away for long periods of time? Can I really be away from baby on a consistent basis? Is it worth it?

Maybe envy is better than the answers to my questions.

Irritation. After resentment, frustration and envy, comes good old fashioned irritation. Mostly I'm irritated that daddy is a guy and does annoying guy stuff. He makes a mess where I've just cleaned up. He's too lazy to wash bottles at night and leaves it until the morning. He waits until the last minute to do something I ask (like put down the floor mats in Camden's room or put new batteries in a toy) or forgets altogether so I have to keep it on my list and remind him. But again, don't get me wrong. Most men wouldn't even make the effort to wash a bottle and some expect the woman to do everything around the house without complaint. I have it good, and I know it. But once in awhile, I can't help but feel the irritation build up.

Anger. And finally, the cherry to top my sundae of crazy emotions is to just be mad at myself for feeling any of them. Because let's be honest, Brian can't help it. It's not his fault he's a male. It's not his fault that the grand design of procreation made it so that he's the daddy and I'm the mommy. It's IMPOSSIBLE for him to ever really be in my female/mommy shoes dealing with all of this. And that is Not. His. Fault.

So...life goes on and I take things as they come. I wouldn't trade being a mommy for anything in the world. The rewards far outweigh the hardships. But all you daddy's out there....LISTEN UP. You got it easy. Take a moment to smile about that and then appreciate the mother of your children every second of the day.

She deserves it.

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