Brown Butter Blondies: Finding my way back

I took a long break from the blog. I think from mid-November to mid-February, I was more or less silent. I did a little bit here and there on my Facebook Week of Menus page, and still answered emails and questions from readers who were reading older posts, but I was not putting up anything new. I actually found myself feeling guilty initially, a feeling that I was disappointing all of my readers and they were eagerly awaiting my next post, but that guilty feeling (which got no rhythm in case you're a WHAM fan) soon faded away and it became easy to not blog anymore. I discussed with a few friends the possibility of just closing it all together and so as to not put any pressure on myself to continue having to write or think or photograph anymore. All said leave the blog up, and all said post again when I was ready to post.

During this period of silence, I did embark on quite a bit of soul searching, primarily because I wanted to remember why I wrote. I often told myself the writing was for others, but really the writing was for me, as a mode of expression, thinking and processing silly details about my life. Time, or really the lack of time, took away my ability to write. With the absence of the writing, came an absence of a huge part of my processing mode. I stopped thinking so much, I stopped searching so much and sort of let myself get lost in a life that was becoming super chaotic and overly committed.

2015 began with an explosion of moments where it became clear that my life was battered enough and that I needed to slow down. I made concerted efforts to remove extra commitments, and tried to become a calmer, less intense and less frazzled version of me. I tried to be more present for the kids, more focused with the Husband, and overall better to myself. The end result is really that I found time, both in my head space and in my life space. In a sudden moment, I tentatively thought to myself - should I try and write again?

I gingerly dipped my toe into the proverbial pond again, hesitating as I planned the writing mentally, and pausing a lot more than I normally do. Does it sound right? Does it read right? Am I capturing the moment? I questioned my writing a lot more than I used to, even considered not posting, but in a rush of "oh what's the big deal" I pushed publish, and showed my face to the blog world again.

What surprised me more than anything was the amount of response I got. I figured after three months of not posting, I'd have to push to find people to read my work again. I didn't. My readers were all waiting, and I was really taken aback at how much that gratified me since I always thought to myself that most of the writing was for me and not the audience.

But writing is generally for an audience. Although I write to keep a record for myself, I also write a blog which means I am taking into account a larger body of people to read my words and think about my recipes. And as it turns out, the larger audience is what encourages me to keep going. Their response, their attempts at my recipes, and their feedback is such a gift that I've found my foot space in blogging again.

As a sweet celebration thank you for all of you who have waited patiently, here you go. This is a sweet easy cookie to make, and it's so good that you'll have none leftover if you leave the pan out. I love the texture - chewier, like a brownie, and denser than a regular cookie. It's one pan, you don't need a mixer and it throws together super easy that you'll make it again and again.

Brown Butter Blondies
Makes 32 or 64, depending on your cuts

Ingredients
2 sticks unsalted butter
½ cup white sugar
1 ½ cups packed light-brown sugar
2 large eggs
1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract
2 ½ cups all-purpose flour, plus more for pan
2 teaspoons salt
½ teaspoon baking powder
1 ⅔ cups semisweet chocolate chips

Method
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter a 9X13-inch baking pan. Grease pan very well, either using spray or additional butter.

Melt butter in saucepan. Cook until butter melts, foams, and the brown bits begin to form. Remove from heat when butter has lots of golden brown flecks within. Transfer butter to a heatproof bowl. Stir in white sugar and brown sugar. It may not fully incorporate but this is okay. Stir in egg and vanilla, then flour,salt and baking until just combined. Stir in chocolate chunks; spread batter evenly in prepared pan.

Bake until browned on edges and set, about 35 to 40 minutes. Let cool completely in pan set on a wire rack, then carefully cut and serve.

Great with ice cream, hot coffee, or a cup of milk.

Printable recipe